I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
