my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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