why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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