Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
