Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
