chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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