I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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