you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
