My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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