we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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