when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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