she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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