At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
