If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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