This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
