and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
