the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
