GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
