I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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