A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
