we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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