hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
