She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
