You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
