Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
