On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
