sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
