Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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