he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
