he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
