we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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