I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
