i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
