I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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