your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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