The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
