I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
