Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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