grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My pussy is not your playground.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i need some magic done to my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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