its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
