It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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