My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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