we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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