Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
