I hate all girls vehemently.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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