we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
