if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
