if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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