He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
