I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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