3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
