i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
