I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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