Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
