he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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