Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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