Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
