I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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