We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
