I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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